Dear Amanda,

Hello. I am in the middle of packing and I feel like even though I've been working for 2 straight hours I have gotten close to nothing done. And I have finally gotten that knot deep in the pit of my stomach which makes me think I'm finally starting to realize that I'm leaving and all that entails.I'm really excited because I picked out a necklace that I think each of the interns would like and I'm going to give it to them. Unfortunately when I brought things up here every time I came back from socal I didn't even consider what he'll it would be like trying yo pack it all into the like two bags and 3 boxes that I have and then throwing everything else into trash bags. Fun times. So I'm sitting here, typing to you and strategizing. Well, I guess I should get back to work I have lots to do... And I have to figure out how to get my car fixed today???? And I have no idea how in the world to do that. Yay!!!


I love you.

Dear Amanda.

First of all, I'd like to point out that I suck at life because I'm going to bed right now and I haven't memorized any of my scripture that's due tomorrow.

I think that I'm just going to make a little list of observations that I've made recently.

1. I've kinda been keeping a secret from you....I've been messing up a lot recently which has just made me feel like crap, like all the time.

2. I'm almost 100% sure that I am in shock and denial about leaving

3. I HATE reading one of my closest friend back home's blog because it just shows how life has moved on and other people have found their way into significant parts of her heart.... And yet I spent a good chunk of time reading it tonight, torturing myself, I guess trying to prepare myself for what is to come.

4. It really bugs me when people are super stressed and they show it / lash out at people and refuse to do other things that are required even though everyone else has the same amount of things to do, if not more.

5. I don't really like deep fried ice cream

6. I really like that old spice commercial.

7. I think that Danielle has the gift of leading people to the lord (evangelism?) because she seriously leads someone to God like everywhere we go. It's cool.

Alright, I'm exhausted

I'm going to miss you a lot. Don't make me leave! :(

xoxo

Dear Amanda,

I don't know what in the crap is going on in my life.
period.


love you.

Dear Amanda,

I've actually been thinking about keeping an online journal for the time that I'm in the Philippines. I know, ridiculous, the idea of me giving up something tangible and handwritten to get my aggravation/excitement/everything out. There are pros and cons..like for example, i can type a lot faster than i write. And, if i just do it on this blog then i won't have to worry about anyone but you reading it.. and you could make me a book of my own thoughts. But then, at the same time, seriously, journals are soooo cute. and, there's just something about having a full book that is full of handwritten pages. it reminds me that there was another person on the other side of that book, putting effort and endless hours documenting thoughts and feelings. you know? so it's a toss up.
I have always wanted to write an autobiography. Why not right?
It is actually in my personal opinion that everyone should have a biography about themselves. Because everyone is interesting.... and everyone deserves to be written about.

my thoughts for the day.

love you!

Dear Amanda,

So we do this thing called "OC Time" which is helping out with all of the coordinating of trips, right? So we work with Allison every, idk, tuesday and thursday afternoon coordinating trips and working on schedules and sending out emails and calling people: you know, the works. And we were assigned 3 projects for the end of the year that we need to have accomplished on top of our other assignments: and i just realized that they are going to be a little bit more of a task for me than i expected. Ever since about an hour and a half ago, i have been swimming in a sea of information about Brazil, Mexico and the Philippines trying to make binders and country info papers, and all that i have done [and no, i have not gotten distracted, for once] is empty out all the binders and sort out what will be helpful for me when i start to put them back together and start a country overview.

GOOOD TIMES.

i am a little worker bee.. and i WILL get everything accomplished.
:)
my determination will get me through.

xoxo

Dear Amanda,

I just spent some time looking at things on facebook, and I'm realizing more and more that life is not going to be the same when i go back home... my friends who were super close before will have moved on, and some of the relationships i had will be fizzing out. That seriously just depressed me, and makes me really want to just stay here longer. Something else I realized today, is that when I come back to visit, I won't see all the interns here. That makes me really sad. I really don't like transition times. I don't like that every two seconds someone comes up to me or mentions that "isn't it almost to the end of your time here?" or "It's going to be really sad when you guys leave"

you think you're going to be sad? hah.

I won't lie, I am truly excited for the unknown, for the future, but i can't help but think about how much it sucks at the same time. I'm finally comfortable here. I've found a family. [Lolly finally knows my name!]...I'm not ready to up and leave.
I guess somewhere in my head, until just now, i thought that i would come back and all my friends would be exactly the same and all the time i spent with them would keep me up there in their priority of friend "list"....but i realize now that is not true at all. People move on.....especially when you move to NorCal.

So...you've got to stick with me, K?
i need ya.

xoxo

Dear Amanda,

I am disgusting.
I smell, and I am just overall pretty gross.
but I am accomplished.
I can't wait til tomorrow.
I loved seeing you tonight. It was a ton of fun.

i love you so much!
xoxo

Dear Amanda,

So i am convinced that we are going to be waken up in the middle of the night, if not early in the morning tomorrow morning. And, i think Arnie is in on this conspiracy.

those are my conclusions.

love and miss you!
xoxo

Dear Amanda,

everyone says thank you and they love you for the treats :)

xoxo