So i haven't had my computer for the last couple days..it's broken, imagine that.
You're the only person i feel comfortable actually saying this to without being extremely nervous that they will get incredibly annoyed or that they will get sick of me...
but i really think that i'm seriously depressed. what with the feeling like i have no friends and nothing to do ..and my whole family falling apart.
needless to say, all i feel like doing is sleeping.
and not even that sounds like what i want to do.
and i can't help but feel like i'm going to feel this way forever...because it's been a week and i don't feel any better yet.
i want to get better...i'm not trying to sulk or even wallow in self pity.
it's like i'm just hurting inside. and i cant concentrate on anything else.
i think i'll feel better...i just don't yet, and i'm sick of feigning excitement, even though i know that my mom and people around me understand, i just feel like i'm a dissapointment every day i'm not myself yet. even though they tell me otherwise.
i don't know what to do.
i love you.
i can't wait to see you.
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Oh, my little one, don't you worry! You're not yourself. Remember, I told you that you're going back to your old life, but you're not going back as the same person. It's going to be hard because the person that lived life as Dorri Mang changed and grew and is not the same. Your life while you were here also changed. It's going to take time to have the two meet up, the new you and the old (yet different) life. I know you can get out of this funk. Give yourself some wiggle room. I know that in your head you were aware of the fact that going home would be hard, but to think that you could go home and hit the ground running is kinda naive. Take each day as it comes. Stop looking at the big picture. Break down your day hour-by-hour if needed. You can do this! Get your task list out and just try to accomplish one thing a day. Or at least work as much as you can to move toward checking off a task. Do your school work. Be anti-social if needed. You have things to do. It's not like you're dependent on your family or even your friends to guide your time home. Do what you said you were going to: Listen and wait on GOD. You're not alone in this. Ever think that things have been stripped away so that you're wholly reliant on him? He's your lifeline. Use him. He's waiting for it. You've spent the last 9 months pouring out, allow him to restore you. You're incredible and God wants to use you. That hasn't changed just because your circumstances have. I believe in you. I am praying for you all the time. I love you.
ReplyDeleteyou're right.
ReplyDeleteas always.