Here is the deal-i-o.
1. i am super pissed at Jessy [the girl who told me that made my life hell yesterday via using and abusing information i told her] and i'm now having a hard time with trusting anybody.
2. i am still feeling like i screwed up this guy's life even though countless people have told me that i didn't.
3. I absolutely HATE deaf conventions. they are SOOO boring. like, ridiculously. i don't know whether it is the continual smiling and nodding at people who have known me since i was born, or the wonderful services, or the 9 hour car ride with my family, or perhaps the fact that i was supposed to have a bed to share with my sister and instead i am sleeping on a cot. I have no idea. Supposedly i'm supposed to be here. God only knows why.
seriously, i wish my days were getting better instead of worse. i just feel like crying but i know i can't because i am going to be surrounded by my family all weekend and they don't understand what's going on.
On to better things... i had my red robin interview and i really think it went well. hopefully i got that job.
i'm trying to decide whether i need to call Cody's brother and tell him to watch Cody....because he told me that he was going to commit suicide if people found out about this.. which i don't think he'll actually go through with it.. but he is a very rash person. i'm so worried. i don't know what to do?! why does it feel like my life is going to hell and a handbasket?
i just need a hug.
and the worst part is.. that i don't even know who i can trust anymore.
at one point in my life Jessy was almost as important to me as you are.
and she just turned around and did this to me.
i don't know if any of this has made sense.
ask if you need clarity.
what do you think i should do?
i love you.
xoxo
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Alright, I am writing you instead of packing. I want you to know how much you are being tested. You may not recognize it as such, but it's all a test. You're being pushed in every possible direction and it won't stop. God has a calling and a plan for you, but so does Satan. Mostly Satan's plan is to just keep you from God's. Don't give in! Every day is a war and each time you don't give in to a temptation, a fight, or an impure thought is a victory. You ARE victorious. Let it show in your life. You know all the answers. If a youth kid came up to you right now and told you that she is faced with these same situations, you'd have the answers. You'd know how to guide her to doing "what's right." Do it for yourself.
ReplyDeleteAll of this stuff is periferal. Don't get distracted. Get yourself on track. You have fundraising, school, and probably a ton of praying and equipping you could be doing. How much have you actually gotten done since being home? Don't be defeated! I think you've been so concerned about life overseas that you haven't realized the struggle before you. I believe in you, Dorri. You are strong, determined, and a self motivater. So start motivating! I love you. I am here for you always. Be who God created you to be. Thrive on the struggle and the crunch time you're living in.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. My mind has been a jumble of thoughts the last few days. Be encouraged and don't let this get you off course. Don't allow Satan any ground. What's done is done. Repent, learn and move on. You're amazing. I love you.