Dear Amanda,

Today, i am very happy to report that i finally finished my room!!!! well, finished painting that is.
so yesterday the coolest thing happened. i was at my friend's graduation and i was chatting with her older brother later at night and we were just talking about worship and stuff like that. and i guess he's super talented musician and went to school of worship in australia and all this stuff.. and he just said, i don't normally do this... but i'm really interested in developing worship leaders, and i would be willing to give you free piano/guitar/basic voice lessons. how crazy is that? i'm super excited about it. i didn't realize that happened til today.
So i went to go to ikea today to look at lamps because i'm always frustrated that i have to get out of bed, turn off the light and then get back into bed, but i got to ikea at 8:37...just to find out that they close at 8:30. haha it was so sad.

I've been listening to a lot of Britt Nichole's stuff recently and it's really good.. there's this song called "walking on water" and there's another one i'm not sure what it's called..it's really good though.

i g2g...study for my Red Robin test.
If i pass tomorrow, i get smiling burger certified!!
[which basically means i can be scheduled for shifts]

love you!

Dear Amanda,

I know you are probably frustrated with me,
not exactly happy with my decisions
or even proud of me at all,
and i know it may be hard to believe this,
and we will probably have to agree to disagree,
but i believe that i made the right decision.
it was the most difficult decision i've ever had to make,
because despite the reassurance that i would be loved even if i decided the opposite of what people may have preferred, i'm still not sure my name will ever be without blemish in yours or many in global passions eyes.
but know, i don't think that gpm is bad. and i don't think that fuel is bad.
and, i AM doing something with my life. I'm so confident in God's plan.
take this in whatever way you want, i truly am well meaning with my words.
i love you.

Dear Amanda,

This is true, no one else has a blog dedicated to them. that must make you feel pretty darn special. :)

and...i am very happy that your love is not conditional. believe it or not, i was extremely worried about it. i think it is because i value your friendship so much that it was the one thing i was not willing to lose.

OMG i don't think i told you this. So, the other day when i was working int he silver store this black girl and this older american man came in and they were speaking spanish, and he was calling her babe and all this stuff and it was so weird, because i felt like i instantaneously knew that she was from the dominican republic.. so i asked where they were from.. and surprise, surprise, i was right... and he i guess had met her online, and i totally got the chills, becuase i had just been thinking about the DR the other day. and seriously, i cannot wait to go there. i can't wait to go to Costa Rica and take language school. i can't wait to train with Ladawn.

those are my random thoughts.
i should get ready for work.
[i am wearing the EXACT same outfit that i have been wearing for the last few days.]

love you.
xoxo

Dear Amanda,

I wrote one blog post. then i changed my mind and decided to write another one because that one seemed just a little superficial/surfacey.

Life has been really strange these days. it is so weird for me being in this whole new job and world when i'm at Red Robin.. but i REALLY like it. like, when i'm working at the silver store, it is SO different. like the managers at red robin really care about what's happening besides just money.. and everyone seems to really care about each other. it's just a really good environment. and the last couple times that i've worked there, i'm thoroughly enjoyed just being on my feet and running around grabbing menus and cleaning the bathroom every 15 minutes and opening the door for guests and giving little kids balloons. i know it sounds like a really strange thing to be soo happy about, but i really honestly am. and it's somewhere where nobody knows me, so it's really interesting seeing what people see in me... or expect from me. i realize that i really like going beyond people's expectations of me. The girl that i have been training with is named Cristina, and she seems cool. she's really nice, but she's definitely shy, she graduates hs really soon, and it has been cool going through the experience with someone else. I've forgotten how much work it takes to make your way into people's hearts. i've been trying to figure out who i need to make friends with first at red robin.. right now i'm just being nice to everyone. :)
that is red robin in a nutshell.

Let's see..home has been pretty chill recently, i think it's because no one has brought up anything regarding all the scary money stuff that is going on. My dad still doesn't have a job, but i think he just got his last check, so people aren't stressing around here yet. And everythings settled down a bit because it is everyone's celebrations this month, and the lakers just won the championship [my house is FULL of lakers fans] so since it was my brother's birthday and then it's father's day and then it's my mom's birthday, and my little sister just graduated from elementary school, everyone's pretty much in a jovial mood, especially since i've been able to take care of a few of the meals out and the presents with my job[s] thank you jesus.

I really want to finish my room so i can move back into it. i think that will be a nice relief. i feel like such a mess with all my stuff everywhere. i like being organized, but i can't do that very well when i don't have anywhere to be organized in. that's how i'm feeling about my house.

random subject change, as my parole officer you would be proud to know that it has been 2 weeks. i am very proud of myself. God has helped a lot. it is crazy how when you are trying to hear God's voice it is so much easier to stop yourself from doing things that will put up blocks between you.

As for the Philippines, i am supposed to call Angie by Saturday to tell her what i decide. Quite the deadline. I am still unsure about the whole thing. honestly, i think i'm just going to have to make a decision and trust that i did the right thing. i wish that i could give you some sort of concrete decision, but i really don't know yet. i don't think i'll know until i get on the phone and tell her. Right now, i'm not going to lie, i'm really scared that if i decide to not go i'm going to lose your friendship..or you're going to be super disappointed in me or you're going to look at me differently, and that's why i want to just say "ok, i'll go" but, i know that is not a good reason...just to avoid disappointing someone. idk.

and, that may or may not be the reason why i have been slacking on the blog.

we need to get back to texting more. i promise, i have just been nervous that you're going to hate me.

i love you a lot.
and i miss you even more. [i don't know how that's possible, but i do]

xoxoxo
Dorri.

Dear Amanda,

I've got a lot on my plate.
it was my second day at Red Robin today and i loved it, but i'm really nervous of screwing things up massively. i don't know how i would do that.haha
i also, really think that i will NEVER end up finishing my room. this is what i'm working on right now: i'm in the middle of stenciling the wall. i just have to touch up a few edges, repaint the ceiling, and i am done with the painting part!!!!! that will seriously be fantastic. The stencil that i have looks FANTASTIC. i am in love with it.
So i miss you a lot. Sorry i haven't posted recently, i've had a lot on my brain..funny, when i really have a lot on my brain i tend not to write anything down at all.. so if you look at my journal for the last few days...i haven't written anything. i find that to be an interesting quirk in my personality. Oh! everything is working out so well..tomorrow i work at red robin in the morning so i will be off in time to go to graduation and a leaders dinner at solid rock [the youth group] and then go to another graduation party. :) it's going to be a blast of a day. quite busy.
I ended up saying "no" to Romania, because as amazing as it sounded, it really didn't work out with the fact that i just got this new job.. and i'm trying to save up for next year's endeavors.
my brother's birthday was the other day..and i spent a heck of a lot of money on him.. because i knew my parents couldn't afford it... and i know that he loved it. we went to the movies, and i took him to the place he really wanted to eat for lunch. and i bought him these stupid kanye west glasses he really wanted. haha.

So my dad won this thing where we can take our whole family and play catch in angel's stadium in the field and take pictures in the dugout and stuff for father's day. it should be really cool. i'm actually really excited about it. go....Father's Day! i bought my dad a giftcard to the 99 cent store. he is going to love it. honestly, that place like makes him drool.

i love you so much.
i miss you a lot.
xoxo

Dear Amanda,

so i wanted to do stripes..so we figured the smartest way to do that was with painters tape...

it took a really long time.
at this point, we had used up an entire roll of tape.

so we had to go to Home Depot.

this is angelique.
she looks a lot like me. hahah she dyed her hair dark just the other day. :)

proving we actually bought things at home depot.

we completed the taping of the wall.

so then we painted the black stripes.

then we painted the three green stripes.

Dear Amanda,

Alright, let's try this one again.
So, tomorrow i start training at Red Robin! 4:00!
Tomorrow also happens to be my brother's birthday..and he wants me to take him to Sea World on Friday, but i think that i'm going to have to work that day too. how much does that suck. because, i actually really want to go to seaworld with him.

i got the coolest looking debit card for my wells fargo account..it's platinum.
i'm not sure if that means anything..but i feel really cool. haha

pictures... of the room process...thusfar.

BEFORE:



Then..i primed.

and primed some more [for like eight layers]

and primed all the other walls...


this is the color paint that i'm painting my main wall: candy apple green :)

first coat:


more to come soon.

i love you.

Dear Amanda,

Good Morning.
I am literally avoiding painting right now...because it is my least favorite thing in the world.
hahahha
i do have to go drive to irvine and walk a dog. but i'll do that in a little bit.
and oh yes, my little sister is graduating from elementary school today!!!
i am so proud of her.
right now i am studying up on all my health and safety stuff for red robin. which, i'm not going to lie, is pretty boring to go through, but i just know that it's super important. so i am doing my best. :)

i feel like i haven't talked to you in about 20 years. i'll have to text you soon. haha
ilove you.
have a great day today.

xoxo

Dear Amanda,

i need the privacy of my room back. desperately. i can't handle being around my depressed family, stressed out/lashing out mother and all claws out attitudes.
seriously. i didn't realize how much it means to me to just have the place to get away.
i'm so frustrated with all the crap my family is going through. but at the same time i feel like i have to be strong because i don't have a reason to be affected by the situation. i don't know.

recently, i've just been scared.
honestly, just scared. there's so much going on. i don't even know how to respond to it anymore. i like literally have to repeat to myself that God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.

i know, i know that God is going to work through all of this. and i know, i know that everything is going to turn out okay. but even as i hear those words coming out of my mouth, i find them so difficult to believe.

why is it so hard to trust God, the one who constantly and so consistently has provided miraculously for my needs?
Maybe it's because i see all these people in my life who i have never seen take a second glance at problems as they go by all of a sudden totally stumped by them.

How am i supposed to respond? Am i allowed to cry? I haven't even felt like punching anything. maybe that's because this is more of a hopelessness vs. an angry ordeal.

I've been trying to just focus on the task of getting ready for Red Robin and finishing painting my room and i'm just so distracted by everything that is happening in the house that i feel like i'm never going to finish.

not only all the things going on in my house, but i know this is going to sound stupid, but i've heard a lot of messages recently about muslims taking over the world, and the end times, and the mid trib rapture and america becoming a third world country, and the economy, and all of that literally scares me so badly. i have no idea why, but it consumes my thoughts..i have to pray it out of my mind every time i'm reminded of it. It's so much more real than it ever has been before. and i know, fear is the opposite of faith, but i right now i'm just not so confident that everything is going to turn out ok, and i really want to be confident in that.

these words....

Bankruptcy. Forclosure. Eviction. No Health Care. No Job. Debt Collectors. Depression. Entitlement. Suicidal. Hopeless.

i can't even type them without crying.
i just need a hug.
i just need to know that everything's going to be ok.

i love you.

Dear Amanda,

I start tomorrow morning at 8 at Red Robin. Seriously, I am SOOOO excited.

and yes, i still plan on working at the silver store.. i just have to figure out what my work schedule for red robin is going to be. :)

devo's have been good. [i'll expand upon that later]

and i am praying about talking to the pastor who cody was/is going to work with.. i think it might be the right thing and the best thing to do.... idk.

i'm so tired. and i'm so full. i ate so much tonight. really.

i need to write a better blog post.
i will. it's coming tomorrow. look for it. but right now?
bedtime in my living room..since i have been told i am not allowed to sleep in my room yet. hahha.

i love you.
xoxo