i need the privacy of my room back. desperately. i can't handle being around my depressed family, stressed out/lashing out mother and all claws out attitudes.
seriously. i didn't realize how much it means to me to just have the place to get away.
i'm so frustrated with all the crap my family is going through. but at the same time i feel like i have to be strong because i don't have a reason to be affected by the situation. i don't know.
recently, i've just been scared.
honestly, just scared. there's so much going on. i don't even know how to respond to it anymore. i like literally have to repeat to myself that God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.
i know, i know that God is going to work through all of this. and i know, i know that everything is going to turn out okay. but even as i hear those words coming out of my mouth, i find them so difficult to believe.
why is it so hard to trust God, the one who constantly and so consistently has provided miraculously for my needs?
Maybe it's because i see all these people in my life who i have never seen take a second glance at problems as they go by all of a sudden totally stumped by them.
How am i supposed to respond? Am i allowed to cry? I haven't even felt like punching anything. maybe that's because this is more of a hopelessness vs. an angry ordeal.
I've been trying to just focus on the task of getting ready for Red Robin and finishing painting my room and i'm just so distracted by everything that is happening in the house that i feel like i'm never going to finish.
not only all the things going on in my house, but i know this is going to sound stupid, but i've heard a lot of messages recently about muslims taking over the world, and the end times, and the mid trib rapture and america becoming a third world country, and the economy, and all of that literally scares me so badly. i have no idea why, but it consumes my thoughts..i have to pray it out of my mind every time i'm reminded of it. It's so much more real than it ever has been before. and i know, fear is the opposite of faith, but i right now i'm just not so confident that everything is going to turn out ok, and i really want to be confident in that.
these words....
Bankruptcy. Forclosure. Eviction. No Health Care. No Job. Debt Collectors. Depression. Entitlement. Suicidal. Hopeless.
i can't even type them without crying.
i just need a hug.
i just need to know that everything's going to be ok.
i love you.
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So, I'm not even sure how to respond. You seem hopeless and without direction. It makes me sad. I AM praying though. I know that doesn't seem like a comfort, but going to the only one who can actually change things is probably the smartest thing I can do. God knows it all. He knows your fears and your frustrations. Go to him. Lay it all out there. He can handle it. Stop avoiding what you need to do though. There are people depending on you. Wait on God to speak to you. Be actively listening. He wants to guide you.
ReplyDeleteHere's me hugging you. Everything is going to be okay. I love you.