Dear Amanda,

Today, I worked a day in the silver store and used the money i earned to buy groceries for my family. I have never had so much fun buying groceries in my life.

it was one of those opportunities i couldn't pass up: we needed food. i had money.
it was fantastic. it felt sooo good.

let me just tell you how my night went. seriously, i was so shocked at the way the day turned.

I met up with one of my friends, Joana, and we went on a walk around Newport.
we talked for hours, about everything, from God to sex to life to everything.

it was honestly just a really good catch up and just talk.
so then we went and we were sitting in the car after our walk and she was just like..i really want to pray to end our night..[which i thought was kinda weird, but whenever i'm like ehh, i don't want to do that God always is crazy and does something amazing] so, i prayed after she did, and literally it was like i finally found break through.. and i was just praying for my family and i just started crying and kinda just admitting that i am having a hard time trusting Him and all this stuff.. and then we just sat and listened to worship music and it was like God's presence was just in that car. which is sooo random, but seriously, SO cool. like, i can't stop smiling. like..i feel like it's the start of getting my joy back. Reallly. Truly.

So i've decided that it would make a whole heck of a difference in my devotion time if instead of just sitting in bed reading and journaling if i got up and went to the park and made the effort to wake up and do it. so that's the plan. there's a park right next to my house with a lake, and i think it will be cool to go there and just do my devos.

OMG something HUGE that i realized today when i was talking to Joana..is that i have always wanted to work with girls...like girls who are struggling with eating disorders and suicide and depression and cutting, all things that i've been through. But then at the same time i was like, i really want to help girls who have been stuck in Human traffiking but how do i relate to them.. where at the exact same time, God's been putting on my heart just being accountabilitly and helping girls through sex addictions.. and i totally just realized that like, that is a HUGe part of coming out of sex trafficing, that there are going to be girls that are addicted to it even though it wasn't something that they had chosen to do..and that's what i want to do.
WOW. i don't know if that makes any sense to you, but it all of a sudden started to click in my head tonight. God is sooo cool! seriously. i would NEVER have thought of that.


i love you.
xoxo