Dear Amanda,

i feel weird. Really, really tired and no appetite.
like i have absolutely no interest in the movie I'm watching either.
lame. i think it's just because the events of today were so draining.
i wonder if maria's okay.
i mean i know she will be...
i guess I'm just worried. but i don't need to be, right?
i just have this horrible image of her ingrained in my head like hanging from a tree [as gruesome as that is]
and i shouldn't... but i do.
i just really don't know what to do about it.
i know... there's nothing i can do, but i feel like there is, and i just haven't discovered it yet.
i feel like punching something or crying or going back in time .... and yet i can't do any of those things.

i'm so confused.
i don't know what to do Amanda.
i guess i just need to give it to God. i don't even feel like doing that.
this is me... not knowing what's going on.
not often am i this confused.

love you.